Eleven things you will never hear a man say willingly…
Some people collect stamps or rare coins, while others collect folk art or blown glass…
Me… I collect stereotypes.
My hobby is the accumulation of generalizations, opinions and stereotypical views along gender lines, racial profiles and religious beliefs. Like most Americans… I hear them, process them and I repeat them, in an attempt to garner more acceptance and respect amongst my peers.
Ironic isn’t it?
Anyway… The one thing I’ve learned in the course of my hobby is… Most stereotypes have at their core, a kernel of truth. Granted they are overly exaggerated for effect… But still there exists in them some root element of truth. This is why they persist.
We’ll start with something easy. Something I know… The following is a list of eleven things you will never hear a man say willingly. All based in stereotypes, and all completely true. As usual it is a list of eleven… Any stereotypical blogger can bring you a list of ten, it takes a true genius to bring you eleven.
So now without further delay… Eleven things you will never hear a man say willingly:
- Her tits are just too big!
- All she ever wants is sex… Isn’t it enough to just cuddle sometimes?
- Can we talk? I need to share my feelings…
- I need a hug.
- I always feel better after a good cry.
- I’m lost… Can you give me directions?
- Is this low fat?
- Lately I’ve been feeling… You know… Not so fresh.
- Excuse me… Which aisle are the extra heavy flow maxi-pads in? You know… The one’s with wings?
- No thanks sweetheart. I really don’t want a blowjob right now.
- I’m sorry honey… I was wrong, you were right.
I’m just sayin’…
Great list! I haven’t had to say most of them, but I do say #7 sometimes. I’ve been sent out on emergency errands where I’ve had to say #9.
#2 made me laugh so hard! I should say that one time.
HM… Lately… I’ve had to say number seven myself. It’s amazing how quickly the metabolism slows down after 30… Something.
Iron Man… I’ve tried. I could barely keep a straight face. The look on her face will be priceless though… It’s somewhere between shock and disbelief.
ive never said #2, #3, #5, #8 (for reals, my snatch is a-ok), #9 (dude, pads are gross… but i guess if youre fat and have a cavernous cunt, you probably cant use tampons).
some things you’ll never hear a chick say:
1. it’s ok he has a super small cock
2. i hate that he makes a ton of money and spends it on me
3. he never burns anything on the grill
4. gee, i just cant get enough of this ball sweat!
5. christ, i wish he would cum in my eye more, it feels swell!
6. his water buffalo-like snoring is a real treat!
7. i dont find any of his friends attractive.
glad to see youre finally back. hows about not fucking up your site this time!
Mockingbird… I’m glad to be back, after the dumbass move to top all dumbass moves… LOL. Anyway… I’ll try not to nuke my database this time.
Oh… And you’re not kidding anyone. You know you can’t get enough ball sweat!
I’ve missed you freckles.
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[...] the stereotype theme from here and here, I’d like to move on to everyone’s favorite stereotypical [...]
I’ve heard a guy say #4 before and be completely serious about it…
Krys… He must be the sensitive type. Unfortunately I can’t really help you in that area… However if you’re looking for an insensitive asshole who will under appreciate you, take you for granted and generally treat you like shit I just happen to be available and will be able to fit that bill quite nicely!
Im gonna burst your bubble… im a guy an ive said everyone of them, even no.9 when i went out an bought some for one of my mates cos she was too ill too.
Btw, i AM gay, but that doesnt mean im some queen - but im not seen as a man anyway, so i dont care, i am in touch with my feminine side, an that makes me a metrosexual! So im happy.
#1) No offence, but some of them really are and a bit misproportionate… Katie Price (Jordan) as an obvious example
#2) I have said this - bout a guy with an unsually high sex drive… even for a guy! For god sake men… listen you your woman, if she says you want too much… you wanting too much… cool it of a little! Plus i have a lot of female friends… they talk… an they talk alot… so if you want too much, alot of people are gonna know about it and how good (or bad) you are… how varied you make it, if you ever try new moves etc… an with women… word spreads fast!
#3) I love to talk… gay guys are soo much more open about our feelings with each other than hetero couples… i take that for granted an make sure any guy knows how much i appreciate them, an they do the same.
#4) I do need a hug - its nice to know people care! An why the hell not… you guys make me laugh with your hetero man hug rule things - jus grab em an show some love! Heh
#5) Now come on… who doesnt love a good cry with your best mate over a walk to remember - spesh if your feeling down. Bring out the B+J’s, the tissues and the PJ’s for a good night in! ^.^
#6) Hmm actually this might be a man thing… im crap at directions but never admit to being lost! Dont even say you think i am!
#7) Im all about low fat! I like to take care of myself. If it’s gotta come out of a packet, it better be low fat.
#8) I like grooming myself - thats all there is to it.
#9) ^^^^ Explained ^^^^^
#10) To be honest, noones ever asked me if i want one… they kinda just… happen - if someone asked me id be a bit turned off, thats not passion, thats boredom and routine within a relationship.
#11) When its 2 men… we both gotta be right… one of use has to win! Normally it ends in sex ^.^
Mark… I… I think I might love you!