Eleven things you will never hear a woman say willingly.
Continuing the stereotype theme from this post, I’d like to move on to the women. Actually, I’d like to move on, around and under most women.
Well… Except the fat ones, and the old ones, and the ugly ones… And definitely not any combination thereof… Like the fat, old, ugly ones. Unless I was really, really, really drunk. Or if there were some special circumstances, like it was Tuesday, or any day that ended in a “y” for that matter…
But I digress… For the purposes of this post when I say I’d like to move on to the women I mean in terms of generalizations, opinions and stereotypical views of the fairer sex. Again… Most stereotypes have at their core, a kernel of truth. This is why they persist.
In that vein the following is a list of eleven things you will never hear a woman say willingly. All based in stereotypes, and all completely true. As usual it is a list of eleven… Any stereotypical blogger can bring you a list of ten, it takes a true genius to bring you eleven.
So now without further delay… Eleven things you will never hear a woman say willingly:
1. Pull my finger!
2. I really don’t need or want another pair of shoes.
3. No… Seriously! Let’s just have sex… No strings attached.
4. I don’t care what you heard! I refuse to gossip!
5. Can’t you shut up about your feelings for 5 freakin’ minutes? I’m trying to watch the freakin’ game!
6. Do You think this dress makes me look thin?
7. I would never date him… He makes way too much money for me!
8. Honey look! Honey! Look at the rack on her.
9. Wow! I’ve really let myself go since we got married…
10. Of course we can have a threesome with my hot blonde friend sweetie!
11. I’m sorry honey… I was wrong, you were right.
I’m just sayin’…
12. Oooooh! I came! Again!
#’s 3 and 8 I have said. #10 I’d love to say in the same context as #3. Everything else pretty much right on the money.
A bisexual girl would say #8!
hmm… ive said #3 to many women, #5 (i fucking love hockey), definitely said #8, and more often than not #10.
some things you never heard a guy say:
1. i bet his dick is bigger than mine
2. i probably need to shave my back.. it looks like i’m wearing a fur coat!
3. i acted like i was gonna cum on your tits, but i really WAS aiming for your face!
4. i love hearing you talk about wanting to bone my sister/hot mom/female cousin/hot aunt
5. i’m not worried at all about all of your james bond texting
Iron Man… Actually. I hear that all of the time. Mostly in porn… But still.
Kerstin… Who knew!? Way to be a wildcat sunshine. I’m starting to think I have underestimated you!
Mike… Bisexual girls… Proof that God exists, and that he’s a man!
Mockingbird… It’s not fair comparing yourself. We all know that mere mortal women pale in comparison to the coolness that is you…
BTW… WTF is James Bond texting?
[...] Yesterdays post was the latest in my campaign to become the most hated person on the internet and it really struck a chord… I think I’ve inadvertently stumbled upon the secret formula, and surprisingly it’s not merely the fact that I am an unapologetic, opinionated douchebag with serious anger issues and a fierce self destructive streak. [...]
http://youtube.com/watch?v=dCvLc_y8joc
Ultimate things women aren’t willing to say
james bond texting: secret texting… like you are up to some spy shit. usually it just means youre texting someone else you want to bang
mockingbird… Gotcha’
Iron Man… Awesome commercial. But… Please tell me you don’t actually use male body spray… My opinion of you will drop drastically.
Ummm… does deodorant count? But the commercials say it works!
[...] the stereotype theme from here and here, I’d like to move on to everyone’s favorite stereotypical [...]
[...] honor of Cinco De Mayo I’d like to continue the stereotype theme from here and here, and move on to another favorite stereotypical target of society at [...]