Eleven things you will never hear from a redneck.
Continuing the stereotype theme from here and here, I’d like to move on to everyone’s favorite stereotypical target…
The NASCAR-racing, tobacco-chewing, pick-up truck driving, white trash more commonly known as, Rednecks.
And please… Please don’t misunderstand my terminology. Lately there has been a concerted effort to make the term redneck not only socially acceptable, but almost preferred…
As if being poor white trash somehow makes you more patriotic. As if being an un-educated back woods hick is somehow something to be proud of. As if being an inbred hillbilly somehow makes you a true American.
This is of course Bullshit! Redneck is, and always will be a term of derision. If you’re stupid enough to embrace it and wear it as a badge of honor. Well then you… Might be a redneck! Dumb ass! Why would anyone embrace this…
Keep in mind that most stereotypes have at their core, a kernel of truth. This is why they persist. In the case of the redneck I believe it’s more than just a kernel of truth. I believe it’s durn’ near a pick up full o’ truth! Seriously… The only contributions redneck culture has made to American society as a whole are NASCAR, lynchings, wife beating and inbreeding.
In that vein the following is a list of eleven things you will never hear from a redneck. All based in stereotypes, and all completely true. As usual it is a list of eleven… Any redneck blogger can bring you a list of ten, it takes a true genius to bring you eleven.
So now without further delay… Eleven things you will never hear from a redneck:
- Do you think my gut looks too big in these jeans?
- I’m a strong supporter of gun control.
- Dale Earnhardt… Who???
- The wheels on that truck are just too big.
- Don’t you know wrasslins’ fake?
- You can’t use duct tape to fix that!
- Nope! None for me… I’m the designated driver.
- I’ll take philosophy for $1000 Alex.
- Is there anything on the menu that doesn’t have gravy?
- Checkmate!
- No… I… I couldn’t! She’s a minor… And my cousin!
I’m just sayin’… Y’all…
Subscribe to my RSS feed! I am NOT kidding… Do it now, RIGHT NOW!
Whoa, nelly - you just about got me right thar. I actually watched the ‘Dega race today (yes, every lap), but I don’t chew tobacco or drive a pickup truck. And I DO ask if my gut’s too big for these jeans…so I guess I’m not a redneck.
I swear, it’s like you posted this entry just for me. You knew I’d been away too much lately and you WILLED me to come to your blog, didn’t you? Good stuff.
Mel… You know I love you. Even though it’s completely unrequited, due to the fact that I have no musical talent whatsoever. Still… I love you.
The weird thing is, and I swear to god this is true… I actually was thinking of you today… Not because of this post… LOL. Because I’m thinking about taking a cruise this year.
It’s actually kinda’ strange that you picked up on my brainwaves like that…
Who knows Mel… Maybe it’s fate.
What’s that noise? The Twilight Zone theme?
I’m surprised not to to see anything related to racism in the top 11.
Iron Man… I figured that would be to easy.
Once you get by the cigarette breath, redneck women rock.
[...] Eleven things you will never hear from a redneck [...]
enjoyed
this…
yes why is
it rednecks
are considered
so patriotic
when many still
fly the southern
flag?
lol…
here raised in
southern mo. so
know rednecks…
great blog~
dulcinea
HA! I know many a redneck and I think they’re probably the inbreeding type, as well. You’ll also never hear them say, “I’m outta shot gun shells” or “don’t shoot that thar damn dog on my property”. They always say “git” and buy whole cows and butcher their own meat, own a deep freeze for that purpose, like to mix toilet bowl cleaner and aluminum foil and make “works bombs”, drink beer as a dietary supplement, the 4th of Jooly is their favorite Holiday along with the opening day of huntin’ season. They actually believe, I believe, that wearing camaflouge in public and in the stores (Wal*Mart, preferably) makes them “blend” into their surroundings and Carharts are a staple in the wardrobe. You also never hear one say, “let’s go tot the library”… LOL!
Don’t ask me how I know all this stuff. They’re rampant where I live and I happen to know a few. Gun racks on their back truck windows is another big deal
Don’t piss a redneck off, he’s always drunk and itchin’ to pull the trigger on some kind of gun or have an excuse to blow something, anything UP!
Mother… Dude, you are awesome! But the only thing about redneck women that rocks is the meth in their pockets… Sorry!
Dulcinea… Thanks for stopping by… And very good point! What is the deal with flying the Confederate flag?
Amanda… LMAO @ 4th of Jooly! I actually know someone who says it like that and I want to punch him in the head every frickin’ time!
Ok…that was good
Jeff… I’m pretty sure that depends on which side of the Mason-Dixon line you reside on… And how many teeth you have.
LMAO!!!!!!!
That was hysterical!! And true!!
Love you, JD!!!!!