The top eleven reasons Twitter sucks.
If you’ve never heard of Twitter, than either you’ve been living under a rock for the past 6 months or so, or this is your first trip down the information super highway. Either way you should count yourself lucky.
According to the folks at Twitter, they are offering a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected.
According to me Twitter offers a form of micro-blogging masturbation… A way for the “look at me” generation to complain about their job, their friends and their sexual conquests while promoting their latest project and letting the world know they are taking a piss.
As you can probably tell… I don’t really care for Twitter, or most of the twits that use it. And I’ll give you my reasons why. In fact I’ll give you eleven reasons why. After all any twit with a blog can bring you a list of ten, it takes a true genius to bring you eleven.
So now without further delay… The top eleven reasons Twitter sucks:
- Do I really fucking care if you are making yourself a grilled cheese sandwich right now? Does anyone really care… Really?
- Then when you finally become engaged in a conversation that is worth having… It’s almost impossible to follow. There is no continuity.
- And let’s be honest… 140 characters? Fuck that shit!
- Wow… You can text your tweets! You are sooooo cool! Since you’re texting anyway… Couldn’t you have simply texted your friend directly? Oh… That’s right. You don’t have any real friends… Just twits.
- Speaking of twits, don’t the most popular twits already have blogs… So what’s the point of micro-blogging?
- I see! It’s like a public IM? Again… Couldn’t you have simply IM’d your friends? Oh shit… Sorry, didn’t mean to bring up the fact that you have no real friends again. My bad.
- Seriously though… I hate to sound like a broken record but even if you have hundreds, or even thousands of followers on Twitter that doesn’t actually mean you have hundreds or thousands of friends.
- It can be a good way to pimp your blog, or website, or what have you. And that’s what we need on the internet… Another marketing tool! Yippee… More spam. Sign me up!
- Besides… Even though it can be an effective marketing tool for some, it isn’t for you. You aren’t blogging royalty. Here’s a tip. Just because you stalk… I mean follow the elite of the blogging world. It doesn’t mean they give a shit about you.
- Seriously… I don’t care which fucking color team you’re on… Dumbass!
- Finally… Again, do I really fucking care if you are making yourself a grilled cheese sandwich right now? Does anyone really care… Really?
I’m just sayin’…
A little while ago some silly little bitch had a slagfest with me on twitter. I was hosting her blog and after a row she announced in a blog entry that I was fired. So naturally, being fired and all, I shut her blog down.
She expressed her outrage on all mediums available to her, including twitter. I went through her twitter outpourings and discovered that she had posted “secret” encoded messages to her friends on it. However, I recognised it as hex-code. Not too difficult when all the numbers are double digits with letters A-F in them.
I translated all her “secret” messages for the world and published them on my twitter.
I think that is a bonafida reason to use twitter, not so?
I thought I was the only one who didn’t understand the appeal. Or couldn’t figure out how to follow conversations. A friend invited me to use it, and now I never do because it’s just too much. I’m with you, if you really want to tell your friend something, what’s wrong with texting…or the antiquated IM?
Rich… I have to admit that was a pretty compelling reason to use Twitter, and in that instance and that instance only I’ll say that maybe it didn’t suck. Not so much because Twitter itself doesn’t suck mind you… More so because publicly humiliating someone via any medium RULES!
Kerstin… I’m with you. Hey maybe we should have sex to show our solidarity. You know… If we sleep together it will cement our resolve to never use Twitter, or something like that.
Anyway… Yeah… Let me know.
I don’t even text or IM. Email is immediate enough for me. I like to keep my distance from immediacy and actually live a life.
STUMBLED!
I must admit, Twitter has always been a mystery to me. What the hell is it for? What is its actual purpose?
Definitely agree 100%.
VOTED for this post at:
http://www.newsdots.com/blogging/the-top-eleven-reasons-twitter-sucks-1/
maybe if you actually had friends, youd like twitter. but face it, no one likes you.
just kidding. but maybe id loev you more if you visited my blog every once in awhile. yes, i know i’m bitching and moaning, but fuck you. no blogger is an island.
Okay, apparently I have been living under a rock. Hell, I only recently succumbed to the myspace thingy and that’s taxing enough. I’ll take your word for it that Twitter is f’d up. Can we throw in facebook, too? And while I’m at it - how about that damned Classmates.com? If I wanted to be found and talk with those people, don’t you think I’d have their phone number?
Rant over. Nice entry, JS.
p.s. thanks for the email - your good thoughts are working.
Guess what,I’m making a grilled cheese sandwich right now.
I am one of the twits with a blog who use twitter. I can’t come up with a good reason except that everyone does it, which doesn’t make me sound too intelligent, I’m afraid.
I work from home half the time so I like to feel connected. Enter Twitter, where I can either chat or be a voyeur.
And sometimes I want to share random things without making a full post of it and possibly annoying a few hundred people who’d find their readers a lot fuller. Twitter solves that problem. If people want to follow me on both, they can, if not then nobody has to listen to my random crap. If they want to, that’s their affair.
But don’t worry about it…nobody’s going to make you use twitter. Or read their tweets. I’m sure nobody cares that you’re not tweeting either. Take a few deep breaths and just get over it.
Huh? People use Twitter? What’s their secret? I’m “on” Twitter, but Twitter’s never on — network outages and all.
I’m with Mrs. Michah’s loyal opposition. In addition to selectively having your ear to the ground, there are plenty of interest bots and mashups worth investigating: food logs, expense logs, answer forums, and so on.
My favorite use of Twitter is the track command, which returns tweets containing a specified term. I send “track samsung instinct” yesterday and immediately got text messages with links to the product’s release date — no checking forums, no subscribing to RSS. Then I cancelled the updates with untrack. It’s a great way to stay on top of things if you’re as lazy as I am.