As we all know… I have already given my support to the only candidate that really matters, and yet I can’t help but cheer Barack Obama on in his march towards the White House. If for no other reason than it scares the hell out of white middle class America…

I guess that’s why it’s so upsetting to hear that he has chosen six-term Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware as his Vice Presidential Running mate on the Democratic ticket for President… I’m not kidding… Joe Biden.

It’s like they want to lose… What happened to Hillary? Couldn’t the Obama camp come up with anyone better? Anyone? Anyone???

I think they could’ve… In fact I can come up with eleven better choices off the top of my head. So I have compiled a list of 11 Better Choices for Obama’s Running Mate Than Joe Biden! And yes… It is a list of eleven. Any dumb ass campaign manager with a blog can give you a list of ten… It takes a real genius to bring you eleven!

11. Eliot Spitzer

Ok… Ok, so there was that whole prostitution scandal… But so what! I mean Bill Clinton was getting hummers in the Oval Office and he still won two terms… Right?

Eliot Spitzer is still a better choice for running mate than Joe Biden.

10. Paris Hilton

My feelings towards Paris are no secret. I’ve already told you Paris is smarter than you think, plus she is like… Totally ready to lead. Besides… She’s out to stick it to that old, wrinkly, white haired dude. So you know her heart, and her pocket book is in it.

Bottom line… Paris Hilton is a far better choice for running mate than Joe Biden.

9. Rihanna

Let’s face it… If Rihanna is good enough for Paris Hilton, than she should be good enough for Barack Obama. Plus we might be able to get the National Anthem changed to that really addictive Ummm Berrr Ellla song…

So I would have to say Rihanna is a much better choice for running mate than Joe Biden.

8. Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey

Granted… He would have to switch parties, because he is currently running under the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party.

But still… The Impaler is a much better choice than Joe Biden.

7. V from Violent Acres

Look… Personally I love V, as far as I’m concerned she should be President… Not Vice President. She is exactly what this country needs… As evidenced by this quote:

“Americans have gone soft. We have become completely and totally dependent on our government. We don’t know how to take care of ourselves. We’re whining, puling, stupid, weak willed little children wearing big kid clothes.”

Clearly… V is a better choice for running mate than Joe Biden.

6. Jerry Springer

This one might be a stretch, but he does have political experience and just imagine the scene at the State Of The Union Address… Senators throwing chairs at each other and spitting in each others faces, and the press corp chanting “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”

Think about it… Jerry Springer would be a much better choice for running mate than Joe Biden.

5. The Burger King

Granted he’s kinda’ creepy… Sure… He clearly supports a monarchy rather than a Constitutional Republic, and still…

The Burger King would make a far better choice for running mate than Joe Biden.

4. Mary Carey

What? She has political experience… No… I’m serious. Why not elect a politician you want to be screwed by?

Mary Carey is without a doubt a better choice for running mate than Joe Biden.

3. Ralph Wiggum

Ralph just doesn’t seem to get any respect… Either personally, or politically, and unfortunately Ralph was snubbed again… It’s too bad, an Obama - Wiggum ticket could’ve been unbeatable. I guess Obama is a ‘Family Guy’ fan…

Pity, because Ralph is definitely a better choice for running mate than Joe Biden.

2. Jesus

Really??? Do I have to explain to you why JC would make a better running mate than Joe Biden? Let’s just say this… His Dad can pull a lot of strings, if ya’ know what I mean…

1. Mayor McCheese

Finally, my personal favorite… Mayor McCheese! He has the experience, he has the popularity… He has a giant cheeseburger head! Who doesn’t love this guy?

Mayor McCheese is my personal choice, and would be a much, much better choice for running mate than Joe Biden!

The bottom line is this… I want to see Obama win this election… And not just for change! I’m also looking forward to the cheap shots that an Obama presidency would bring… Think about it, more than enough blogging material for at least four years, and maybe eight! The black house, spinner rims on Airforce One, The Secret Service being replaced by The Bloods… Honestly, an Obama presidency would be a wet dream for me.

So shape up Team Obama! I know you’re used to it but quit trying to lose on purpose…

I’m Just Sayin’…

Tags: Barack Obama, Douchebags, Dumbasses & Dorks, Election 2008, Humor, Joseph Biden, Politically Incorrect, Pop Culture, Sarcasm, Satire, Social Commentary