Steven Seagal Lawman, The Story of One Man and One Ponytail Out For Justice!
Dec 2nd, 2008 | By Just Sayin... | Category: Douchebags, Dumbasses and Dorks | Visited 603 times, 4 so far today
Many is the day I sit around looking for something to watch on television thinking to myself… What I could really go for is a self glorifying, self serving, ego-stroking, pseudo-reality cop docu-drama that chronicles the downward spiral of a fat, bloated washed up douchebag into the hell that is D list celebreality…
Lucky for me A&E is in production on “Steven Seagal: Lawman,” a new Real-Life series that will do exactly that!
Seagal’s movies have grossed more than $2 billion worldwide. He is an expert martial artist, with a 7th-degree black belt in aikido. Along with Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chuck Norris, he was once considered one of the film industry’s greatest action stars.
Unfortunately lately he is considered (If he’s considered at all) the butt of a joke…
But it turns out that a waning film career and a seething hatred and jealousy towards Chuck Norris have left Steven Seagal and his ponytail with quite a bit of time on their hands. Apparently over a span of almost two decades, the bat shit crazy Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office has regularly allowed him to go out on patrol and work major cases. Remind me to never… Ever go to Jefferson Parish. In fact just to be safe, remind me to never go to the state of Louisiana!
The series will allow “fans”, and those that just want a good laugh, to ride shotgun with Seagal as he and his hand-selected elite team of deputies respond to crimes-in-progress.
Then, when Seagal goes off-duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures, most of which seem to include eating, pretending to be a blues guitarist and being an ulta-douche, as evidenced by the photo above (Please note the pistol on the guitar case… Nice touch!).
To be honest I doubt this series will last a full season, and it’s a shame. I mean there are quite a few people out there who think that Steven Seagal is just a joke, but that’s simply not true!
He’s a big fat joke… Which just makes it funnier.
I’m just sayin’…
Are you f’ing kidding me? The guy couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag. Ahhhh, the Good State of Louisana - producer of Britney Spears and Steven Segal - not on my list of places to visit before I die. Have a great day sweetheart !
I have enjoyed him beating the dogshit out of the bad guys, but enough is enough.
I heard that he was filming his shenanigans, but I thought it was going to be shown on the Internet. This is going to be interesting, or just really cheesy.
dear.god. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The Girl I’m Picturing Naked Right Now… Louisiana and Mississippi the armpits of a nation!
Mother… He doesn’t really beat the shit out of anything anymore… He’s pretty much all about eating the shit out of everything and anything lately…
Mike… My guess is it will be both.
Spaz… There is no use fighting it. Just embrace it… Embrace the warm hug of failure.
I think the show will be a BIG success people. Come on, he’s a really great guy. He’s so nice and caring, donates money to charity and saves Iraqi orphans.
He is a great man. Perfect father material and an inspiration to us all.
LMAO! The real Steven Seagal ladies and gentlemen! How about a nice round of applause!
I think after this post, you definitely better not go to Jefferson Parish. He still is an expert martial artist, as you say.
I’m just sayin.’
Rambler… I’m not real worried about it… I’ll just be sure to bring fried chicken with me. This way if I’m accosted by the man… And his ponytail, I can throw the fried chicken one way as a diversion and take off the otherway!
I DON’T LIKE FRIED CHICKEN!
LOL… Sorry Steve, how about some Gumbo? Or maybe a nice Crawfish Etouffee? C’mon… You know you want some… Admit it…
You know I have heard people be called “douche” before and while I understood the theory… well let’s just say that I finally get it.
That pic of him trying to look tough with the guitar… he’s an uber-douche isn’t he?
Ding Ding Ding… We have a winner! He is most certainly an Uber Douche! In fact I might even go as far as to say he is an Uber Douche Extraordinaire!
I bet he still has groupies.
No matter what a loser he really is, any guy who once starred in a movie will have a gang of hos desperate to degrade themselves for him.
If he watches one of his own movies, is he supposed to arrest himself?
I wish bloggers had groupies…
I think I deserve a gang of hos desperate to degrade themselves for me!
Uber Douche? UBER DOUCHE!!!
Come to Jefferson Parish and say that, you creepzoids!!!
Hey Steven… If you hurry you can still make the all you can eat clam bake!
Im by no means standing up for the guy, but he’s always filming, or in some type of show.. so I have to give him kudos for plugging on, and there must be a demand or audience somewhere if he keeps getting work like this!
I also think bono should stop making albums… or trying to be the voice of the public.. anyways another rant.