You know what I miss about having a steady relationship?

It’s not what you think either, it’s not the sex… Well not just the sex anyway.

No… What I really miss is having someone to run errands with… Seriously… Especially around the holidays. I miss having someone to go to the mall with. I miss having someone to mock the other shoppers with. I miss having someone around to share the hell that is retail shopping during the holidays…

Don’t get me wrong…

Ladies… In light of recent events I’d like to address a touchy subject.

I recently… And by recently I mean last night, had a single sexual encounter outside of the constraints of a relationship and without the assumption of any further contact…

In other words I had a one night stand.

She was attractive, fairly intelligent with a good sense of humor and of course… She had a nice rack.

However… She also had a jungle going on between her thighs.

Lately I’ve been feeling really jealous of the fact that everyone else seems to have a life… So much so that I’m actually contemplating putting myself out there once again…
That’s right…I am talking about dating.
So I figured I should brush up on my list of interests and hobbies, because let’s be honest… I need all the help I can get.
The thing is I don’t really have any hobbies or interests… Well none, outside of hating most everyone and everything. So I’ve compiled a list of 11 things which …

photo credit: j.reed
I went to the grocery store today, and as I was perusing the thousands of choices available in the personal hygiene aisle, not the least of which being anti-perspirant or deodorant, or perhaps some mutated combination of both…
I noticed that men’s body spray has merited it’s very own section.
That’s right men’s body spray has entered the big leagues as far as toiletries go… No longer is it relegated to a single shelf above the Mennen Speed Stick Shower Fresh!
Nuh Uhhh…
It has an entire bin of shelves …

Ok… Picture this. You’re at work, minding your own business, doing whatever it is you do and you just happen to answer the phone because hey… You’re that kind of person… You’ll actually pick up an overflow call even though you don’t have to… You’ll pick it up just because… And on the other end you hear…

photo credit: E|NoStress|
“Hi (insert your name here),
Is my brother around???”
Immediately you recognize the voice as none other than your ex… Not just any ex… But theeee ex, the one that ripped your …

Continuing the stereotype theme from this post, I’d like to move on to the women. Actually, I’d like to move on, around and under most women.
Well… Except the fat ones, and the old ones, and the ugly ones… And definitely not any combination thereof… Like the fat, old, ugly ones. Unless I was really, really, really drunk. Or if there were some special circumstances, like it was Tuesday, or any day that ended in a “y” for that matter…
But I digress… For the purposes of this post when …

Some people collect stamps or rare coins, while others collect folk art or blown glass…
Me… I collect stereotypes.
My hobby is the accumulation of generalizations, opinions and stereotypical views along gender lines, racial profiles and religious beliefs. Like most Americans… I hear them, process them and I repeat them, in an attempt to garner more acceptance and respect amongst my peers.
Ironic isn’t it?
Anyway… The one thing I’ve learned in the course of my hobby is… Most stereotypes have at their core, a kernel of truth. Granted they are overly exaggerated …

Let’s face it, dating isn’t fun… If it were no one would ever get married! However, with that being said I think we can all agree that some dates are significantly worse than others…
SIGNIFICANTLY…
With that in mind… Below you’ll find a list of eleven of the worst things you’re ever going to hear on a first date. As usual… It is a list of eleven. Any dumb ass with a blog can give you a list of ten… It takes a real genius to bring you eleven!

The Doctor …