Ok past! Listen up!

I’ve decided to face you head on… No more running, no more hiding, no more procrastinating! It’s time to… Well it’s time to grow up.

I know…

I know it’s really sudden. Believe me I was comfortable with our old relationship too! It was great… Really it was! You saddling me with a ton of emotional baggage, and me shrugging responsibility for any of it and blaming everyone except myself…

Good times past… Good times…

So Meg and I are watching some reality cooking show on the Food Network, which is being filmed in New Orleans…

During a commercial break she asks nonchalantly… “New Orleans??? Isn’t Orville Redenbacher from New Orleans?”

“No… No” I say, “I think he’s from Indiana.”

She furrows her brow and thinks for a moment mumbling under her breath… “Who… Who am I thinking of???” and then with a self satsified smirk she states triumphantly… “Oh… It’s that Sanders guy. The Kentucky Fried Chicken guy… He’s from New Orleans!”

“Ummm… Are you serious”…

I was at the grocery store this evening picking up a few of life’s essentials… You know… Milk… Bread… Yogurt… A can of juice…
Wait what???
Say that out loud once or twice… “A can of juice.”… “A can… Of juice” It’s completely accurate, yet it has a distinctive white trash ring to it when you actually say it out loud.
So anyway…
I’m in the grocery store, minding my own business, letting my neuroses get the better of me once again as I try to determine which flavor of salad dressing …

photo credit: M@rcopako
Dear media,
Michael Phelps is a great swimmer, a fantastic athlete and quite possibly the greatest Olympian ever known… We get it.
But to be honest… It’s enough already kay? Thanks…
Signed,
The Entire Population of the Planet!

You might be a douchebag if you have a complete and total meltdown backstage because you didn’t get enough face time… Or win enough awards at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards…
Then agree to close the MTV Video Music Awards the very next year…
Kanye West has definitely secured his place in history as not only the biggest douchebag on the planet, but as the biggest hypocrite on the planet by doing exactly that…
Remember last year when Kanye West threw a hissy fit, vowing never to return to MTV because even …

The seat back in front of me on the train the other day was covered in gang graffiti. Cryptic symbols and letters, some of which were backwards, some upside down…

photo credit: srboisvert
It looked more like some ancient variation of cuneiform which was forgotten long ago, than English. But then again, it’s supposed to look like that to me… I’m old. It wasn’t written for me. I’m not the target demographic.
Which got me to thinking. Graffiti isn’t vandalism… It’s marketing.
Essentially the gangs are attempting to achieve brand recognition in …

This is a personal note to the assistant manager at the Burger King who waited on me this afternoon…
Hey buddy… Let me talk to ya’ for a sec… Don’t take this the wrong way… Becuase I feel bad for ya’, I really do.
I mean it must take quite a bit of resolve to actually get out of bed every morning knowing that you’re in your 30’s and your greatest achievement in life so far has been mastering the deep fryer… If it was me I’d be contemplating a dirt …

Unfortunately our toll free number at work is very… Very close to that of the Department of Children and Family Services for some undisclosed state, that I can only imagine, based on the accents of the people calling, is located somewhere south of the Mason-Dixon line, where Nascar isn’t just a sports franchise… It’s a religion. And Bubba is not just your uncle… He’s your cousin too.

photo credit: The G-tastic 7
As you can imagine this can tend to create some annoying, albeit occasionally amusing exchanges between our employees …

Let’s be honest there are a lot of crappy blogs out there…
With over 12 million American adults currently maintaining a blog and over 120 thousand new blogs being created every day! That’s a whole lot of viral videos and LOL cats.
Seriously… I’ve surfed from one side of the internet to the other, and I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff. But I’ve never seen anything to make me believe that there’s any blog better than mine. There’s no mystical blogging field that controls MY destiny.
So I’ve compiled a …

Has anyone else noticed the huge influx of cause ribbons lately… I swear to you it seems like 4 out of 5 cars on the road during my commute have a cause ribbon… And not just one cause ribbon, multiple cause ribbons… I don’t get it!

photo credit: Sister72

I don’t really care enough about anything or anyone to ever even passively support a cause… Much less actively support a cause by placing a ribbon magnet… For that matter any magnet on the back of my vehicle. (But that’s probably …