If you’re like me… You really liked The Apprentice but you found yourself constantly thinking…

This show is great, but it would be soooo much better if The Donald were more gangsta’!

Well, hoochies, chicken heads, skeeters, skanks, hood rats and ho’s… Today is your lucky day!

The naughty folks at AshleyMadison.com have struck again.

In the wake of Oprah’s new series “Why Men Cheat,” the dating site specifically designed to help married people cheat on their spouses has announced a brand new promotion…

Members who purchase an Ashley Madison “Affair Guarantee” Package and don’t experience an affair to remember within three months will receive a complete refund…

So, I know this is supposed to be a a new promotion and a really novel marketing scheme but I think I recognize this business model…

So… The Doritos brand announced it is once again giving complete control of its Super Bowl ad air time to its fans.

But this time, the snack chip brand is raising the stakes… In addition to airing one self-made Doritos ad to a captive audience of millions, Doritos will give that talented winner $1 million if their 30 second spot takes down “the big guys” and becomes the first-ever consumer-created commercial to claim the No. 1 ranking in USA TODAY’s annual Ad Meter.

This gives me a great idea… Doritos sex tape!!!

Bailout legislation which would authorize the Secretary of the Treasury to purchase mortgage-related assets to the tune of $700 billion dollars is set to sail through Congress this week.

What does that mean to you and I… Not much, just a little over $2,000 per person!

Ummmm… Ouch! Does anyone else find it ironic that I’m going to lose my house bailing out the mortgage industry?!?

Here’s the thing… If you beg for cash and prizes from your fans… You might be a douchebag!

You’d think that would go without saying right? Well you’d be wrong…

Because apparently no one told American Idol 7 finalist Jason Castro and his family this because they have been asking for money from his fans, and as absurd as this may sound…

It’s actually working!!!

So Meg and I are watching some reality cooking show on the Food Network, which is being filmed in New Orleans…

During a commercial break she asks nonchalantly… “New Orleans??? Isn’t Orville Redenbacher from New Orleans?”

“No… No” I say, “I think he’s from Indiana.”

She furrows her brow and thinks for a moment mumbling under her breath… “Who… Who am I thinking of???” and then with a self satsified smirk she states triumphantly… “Oh… It’s that Sanders guy. The Kentucky Fried Chicken guy… He’s from New Orleans!”

“Ummm… Are you serious”…

Let’s be honest… The world as we know it has been steadily sliding towards oblivion for quite a while now…

I mean we’re all pretty much fucked… Right?

We’re just sitting around… Biding our time until the zombie apocalypse unleashes an unspeakable wave of terror that will wash across this nation like a bloody tsunami. Well this is your wake up call America…

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as Ken and Barbie?

You may think I’m joking… Sadly I’m not.

What the hell is Mattel thinking? I mean are Heidi and Spencer really the type of people you want as role models for your kids? Really?!?

The Boris and Natasha of The Hills?

photo credit: M@rcopako
Dear media,
Michael Phelps is a great swimmer, a fantastic athlete and quite possibly the greatest Olympian ever known… We get it.
But to be honest… It’s enough already kay? Thanks…
Signed,
The Entire Population of the Planet!

The seat back in front of me on the train the other day was covered in gang graffiti. Cryptic symbols and letters, some of which were backwards, some upside down…

photo credit: srboisvert
It looked more like some ancient variation of cuneiform which was forgotten long ago, than English. But then again, it’s supposed to look like that to me… I’m old. It wasn’t written for me. I’m not the target demographic.
Which got me to thinking. Graffiti isn’t vandalism… It’s marketing.
Essentially the gangs are attempting to achieve brand recognition in …