Ok… I’ve noticed a disturbing trend the last couple of years.

I think it became popularized in the Suburbs several years ago, with the children of the “Stepford Wives”, mall walkers and the like, but since has grown in popularity and is occurring quite regularly in even the most Urban areas…

That’s right I’m talking about “Trick or Treat” by appointment… For example, today is Halloween, and I will be inundated with an assortment of ghosts, goblins and witches… Between the hours of 3PM and 7PM only…

Ask not for whom the bell tolls reality television… It tolls for thee.

Unfortunately, I believe the premiere of Real Chance of Love on VH1 has sounded the death knell for this genre.

Chance and Real, the self-proclaimed “Stallionaires”, do everything together…. They live together, they produce and perform music together, they travel, date, eat, and even breed Arabian horses together. And it seems that they will single handedly kill the “of Love” franchise for VH1, the most successful franchise in the network’s history… Together!

I’m not an entertainment snob, by any stretch of the imagination…

Did you watch the debate last night? Did you understand it???

Much has been made of whether Barack Obama is too inexperienced to lead, or whether John McCain is too old to be elected.

But with all of the heated political debate, nobody ever stops to ask the most obvious question… Are Americans too dumb to make that decision?

Seriously… Are you too dumb to vote?

So I was thinking…

If you’re out shopping for one of your friends, and you find yourself thinking…

That is the ugliest, gaudiest, most garish, nightmarish, outlandish, ghetto fabulous, whore-tastic thing I’ve ever seen in my life…

IT’S PERFECT!!!

You might want to think of finding new friends…

Bailout legislation which would authorize the Secretary of the Treasury to purchase mortgage-related assets to the tune of $700 billion dollars is set to sail through Congress this week.

What does that mean to you and I… Not much, just a little over $2,000 per person!

Ummmm… Ouch! Does anyone else find it ironic that I’m going to lose my house bailing out the mortgage industry?!?

You can’t find anyone better to do meth with than your son?!?

Really?!? Seriously?!? You do meth with your son…

I mean as a parent I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked myself…

Self? How can I exploit my child, crush his soul, force him to bend to my will, and then abandon him to a life of endless drug rehabilitation visits and empty relationships that are doomed from the start…

Wait a minute! No I don’t… Because I’m not fucking insane…

Let’s be honest… The world as we know it has been steadily sliding towards oblivion for quite a while now…

I mean we’re all pretty much fucked… Right?

We’re just sitting around… Biding our time until the zombie apocalypse unleashes an unspeakable wave of terror that will wash across this nation like a bloody tsunami. Well this is your wake up call America…

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as Ken and Barbie?
You may think I’m joking… Sadly I’m not.
What the hell is Mattel thinking? I mean are Heidi and Spencer really the type of people you want as role models for your kids? Really?!? The Boris and Natasha of The Hills?
A no talent bleach blonde bimbo who has parlayed her good looks and fake tits into a lucrative acting, singing and reality television career, and a slimy self promoting douchebag who has managed to turn his utterly abrasive personality and lack of …

This is a personal note to the assistant manager at the Burger King who waited on me this afternoon…
Hey buddy… Let me talk to ya’ for a sec… Don’t take this the wrong way… Becuase I feel bad for ya’, I really do.
I mean it must take quite a bit of resolve to actually get out of bed every morning knowing that you’re in your 30’s and your greatest achievement in life so far has been mastering the deep fryer… If it was me I’d be contemplating a dirt …

photo credit: Afroswede
At this point in our evolution, weren’t we supposed to be habitating the moon, owning a flying car and residing in a house that cleans itself? Isn’t that what we were promised? Isn’t that what the new Millenium was supposed to bring? Not global warming, the shadow of terrorism and nuclear proliferation…
I was feeling seriously cheated until yesterday… Yesterday while picking up cat litter (God is my life depressing… I have become the crazy cat guy.) at the grocery store I saw it. I saw the future… …